Happy Friday everyone. Here’s something to reflect on over the weekend perhaps…
Today’s read is about 4-6 minutes. Post-read pondering not included. A bit different format for the last Friday reflections of the year. Following is an article I have written. I gave a presentation this week at a Christmas event, and this is a summary of that talk. Please enjoy.
Navigating Christmas with Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Resilience
Ah, Christmas – the most wonderful time of the year! Or that how the song goes.
For many, the festive season brings friends, family, and festivities. It’s a time of warmth, laughter, and connection. But let’s be honest, it can also be exhausting, expensive, and emotional. The “silly season” is a mixed bag, more Chevy Chase movie than Hallmark card at times, and usually a mixture of the two.
Christmas: Joyful and Challenging
From the awkward office party (or worse, your partner’s office party), to the annual debate over which family member’s house you’ll grace, to the jostling crowds at the shops and the background soundtrack of sleigh bells mixed with Bing Crosby and crying kids.
On the big day, you might encounter the bratty nephews, the show-off relative, the mysterious new partner no one knows how to talk to, and those who get just a bit too festive. Throw in hot weather, frazzled nerves, and a splash of alcohol, and you’ve got a recipe for both merriment and mayhem.
So, how do we navigate the ups and downs of Christmas? It starts with three key ingredients: improving self-awareness, regulating ourselves in the moment, and building resilience.
Improve Self-Awareness
I love a good metaphor, and I like to describe self-awareness by comparing it to predicting the weather. Some people simply open the front door, see that it’s raining, and think, “If I go out in that, I’ll get wet.” Accurate, yes, but simple and narrow in scope.
True self-awareness is like being a meteorologist. You don’t just know what the weather will be like in the next hour; you understand the science behind it. You know how warm air currents from here and cool air currents from there converge, and how the geography influences what happens next. That’s what self-awareness is, too. It’s not just knowing what you’re thinking and feeling right now, but understanding the environment you’re heading into, and how your emotions interact with a whole range of factors.
Just as meteorology relies on understanding the layers and rules of the atmosphere, our emotional intelligence depends on knowing the rules we carry inside us. Each of us has personal rules, values or beliefs about how people should behave. Most of the time, we feel uncomfortable or upset because one of our rules has been compromised.
Somewhere deep inside, you have rules around generosity, gratefulness, or equality. Maybe the bratty nephews compromise your rule about gratefulness, or Uncle Bill’s political rant challenges your belief in equality. This is what self-awareness truly is: knowing what your rules are, and how and when they might be compromised.
So next time you get that uncomfortable feeling, pause and ask yourself, “Hang on, where is this coming from?” Our rules are generally unconscious, like our base code or operating system. Often, they were written for us by a parent, coach, or community leader long ago. You may have forgotten the conversation, but the rule remains, quietly driving your behaviour and emotions every day.
Our emotions are data. They tell us what’s going on in our environment that’s bumping up against our rules. When I ask, “How are you feeling?” how do you actually determine that? What word actually describes your current emotion. That’s the heart of self-awareness.
Regulate in the Moment
Once you’ve noticed your feelings and begun to understand your rules, the next step is regulating yourself in the moment. This is especially handy when the silly season heats up.
Here’s the science: when we get stressed, our bodies release cortisol, which restricts the flow of glucose and oxygen to the front of our brain the part responsible for logical thinking and good decisions. That’s why, in the heat of a family argument or a stressful moment, we sometimes say things we regret or make choices that don’t reflect our best selves.
But there’s a fix. If you engage your logical brain with a simple task, you can get the blood flow back where it needs to be. Try these techniques:
- Count the corners of objects in the room.
- Spell your name backwards in your head (not out loud, unless you want to worry the family).
- Count backwards from 30 to 1.
- Take a few long slow deep breaths, while looking off as far into the distance as you can. (This signals to your parasympathetic nervous system you are safe from danger).
These pattern interrupters are practical ways to get your thinking brain back online, so you can make better decisions, even in the middle of a Christmas meltdown.
Build Resilience
Resilience isn’t about being happy all the time, it’s about having the right tools and resources to meet life’s challenges, day in and day out. Stress isn’t always bad; it can help us grow and build resilience. The difference between stress that helps and stress that harms is whether we have access to the resources we need to match the challenge.
Wisdom is gathering and testing those resources, building a wide range of tools to deal with a wide range of situations. We have resources internally, gained through life experience, as well as learning form books and others, as well as external resources. Friends, trusted family members, a mentor, or even professionals who are experts in their field. Emotional intelligence is about stretching, growing, adapting, and keeping our skills handy for when we need them most.
Warm Wishes for the Season
Christmas is a wonderful, exciting, and sometimes challenging time of year. By improving our self-awareness, regulating our emotions in the moment, and building resilience, we can find more joy and meaning in the chaos, and maybe even a bit of peace.
So as you navigate the silly season, remember:
- Get curious about your patterns and rules.
- Use practical techniques to stay present when things heat up.
Continue building tools for whatever life throws your way.
Wishing you all a Christmas filled with warmth, laughter, growth, and a deeper understanding of yourself and those around you.
Happy Christmas to you all!
Last week’s riddle question and answer; I’m a circle with no beginning or end, hung up high to symbolise eternal love and friendship. What am I? A wreath.
This week’s riddle is; You can catch it, but you can’t throw it. It spreads fastest in December. What is it?
Time for a moment to reflect, I think.